It’s apathy day again! After the successes of yesterday, with Tibebu and I fleshing out a decent training plan for Monday, my motivation and drive have fizzled out. My digestive system has mysteriously started to behave itself but I still feel drained and tired. I can’t tell if the tiredness is due to a bug, understimulation at work or the combination of both, but I do feel forcibly reminded yet again of how much time and effort we seem to expend trying to make progress with anything. One of Gill’s Open University books is about the importance of self-awareness and reflection for an educator, and there’s a quote about how you cannot really change other people, you can only change yourself and act as an example which inspires others to want to change. I know the truth of that statement but I struggle to be good at applying it.

While having a coffee during a break this morning, I was sitting under a tree gazing up at the flock of sparrows, finches and weaver birds busily eating the flower buds and chirping away. Sitting bird watching under the sun took me back to rushed morning breaks at Rickmansworth School, in the Biology prep room drinking coffee with my colleagues while we tried to find space to sit in amongst the books and equipment. The frantic 15 mins of coffee making, conversation, processing of what had happened in the previous lesson while mentally gearing up for the next lesson, all with the noise of hundreds of kids outside, seems a million miles away and a long time in the past.

Gill and I have managed to come up with a simple diagram that shows the existing relationships between the Cluster Unit, the college and schools, while also allowing us to show clearly how these relationships could develop in the future. We have a plan to meet with the Dean and the Vice Deans to discuss the “vision” of the future role of the college in providing in-service training alongside pre-service training. How the college could develop in the future seems fairly clear to us, but it’s no use if we have a clear vision and the college doesn’t, or if it disagrees with ours.

The day ended with a slight improvement in mood. While in town after work we bumped into Gemma and blethered over juice. Her upbeat and positive mood contrasted nicely with my grumpy apathetic one.