Somewhere in a VSO training course during my former life back home, we had to brainstorm words and phrases which described what we expected life as a VSO volunteer to be like. I think I remember choosing words like “challenging”, “worthwhile”, “exposure to new cultures”, “tiring”, “hot”, etc. I also remember our training group choosing words like “lonely”, “frustrating” and “boring”. Today I feel like I’ve been through quite a list of words. Our morning run was stimulating, enjoyable, uplifting and cool. As the day has progressed my mood has slid downward. I’ve had lots of unstructured time on my hands and, despite having things to do and having achieved some of them, I’ve struggled with feelings of chronic under-stimulation and claustrophobia. I feel grumpy, irritable, low and in need of a good moan. My feeling of claustrophobia comes from not being able to just get out and go for a walk/run/cycle without being hassled by kids and adults, or because it might not be safe to go to certain places after dark, when it would be pleasantly cooler. Gill had an unpleasant experience while cycling to college after lunch. A man walking in the same direction, lunged at her brandishing his fist as if he was going to attack her. She avoided him but was a bit shaken. My tolerance of being a spectacle to be begged, stared at and shouted at is wearing thin. The never-ending attention is not malicious, it's just driven by being a symbol representing money, status and privilege. Two students at college have approached me recently to tell me about their difficult circumstances and to ask for money. Most of the callers are friendly with beaming smiles, but at times I find it suffocating and just want to shrink to invisibility. My fantasies of lashing out and silencing them all with an outburst of anger can be very vivid and enjoyable!